Here it is
At this moment of time, there’s only 35 of you, so I’m not expecting much- actually I’m not expecting anything at all. But I have launched my patreon. Why? Because one day I deserve to get paid for my writing. Maybe it’s not today or tomorrow or even this month, but I think it’s great that Patreon has a service, especially for artist more popular than me, to get money for creating their content. The VlogBrothers do it and I have one too. And I think all of you should have one. It’s a great way to see and sponsor content by other creators and share it with a community of people that want to make at least a little money doing what they love. Whether that’s comics or youtube videos or podcasts or even articles and blog posts like me- it’s important.
So support me or follow or even just make one of your own. I’m just putting it out there.
In super duper weird internet news (yes, I found this on reddit), apparently a woman has posted a notebook paper sketch of a man, gave his dick dimensions and is hoping that craigslist can find her babydaddy. In addition, she admits she is “no police sketch artist” and provides that he is Middle Eastern and “Tallish”.
I guess passing around a note that says:
Are u my baby daddy?
wasn’t good enough so she decided to take it to craigslist. Here is another list of zingers because I’m not done:
- If Business Entrepreneur is the brand of condom he used- I’d say that’s one start up business not to support
- This posting was filed under “should have been missed connections
- People say a picture can say a picture is worth a thousand words but this one only says one: desperate
Though I wish the best for her, it’s better to have craigslisted and missed that connection than to never have connected at all. Whether she or he hosted, I hope she’s not hosting anything else, other than that child, now.
“What do you do when you’re not sure?”
That’s one of the first lines you hear from Phillip Seymour Hoffman from my muse, my true-love-of-a-film Doubt( yes Steven my acting professor from college I know it was a play first but I love the movie) and it feels incredibly relevant to where I’m at.
How do you know what is the right content to produce? I was at rehearsal this evening and a girl asked me what I was auditioning for next. A simple question, really. But I was struck with the overwhelming sense that I just really don’t know. I even said that I don’t know what I’m about right now. And I don’t. How do you decide, as a person, what type of content you are going to create to drive your life?
How does a businessman decide to devote to sales or an accountant devote to wanting to put out numbers? Like is that different from a situation as an artist? With that question I am faced with whether or not I even want to be in plays anymore. Do I move towards comedic content? And if that is so, how does that comedic content manifest? Is it stand up or improv or comedy writing online, is it a webseries, is it a podcast, is it just manifesting in tweeting? Or on the other hand if I continue and really try to audition for plays again: I’m selling myself as someone that can put myself in other characters. What kind of actor am I? Again do I do improv? Should I be pushing for that one woman show, producing my own material? Monologues? Headshots? What do I put on my reel? Is this thing I’m doing playing Servant #13 really furthering me or am I just doing bitchwork? Is this supposed to feel like a waste of my time? Is the fact that when I do theatre I get addicted to it so much that I don’t know how to cope or live or socialize without mean that I am wreaking mental havok on myself and one day I’m going to have a nervous breakdown oneday soon and take out everybody in my wake? And then there’s the question of what if I’m not an actor or a comedian, but a writer: what the hell should I be writing? and is this blog post really my way? Should I be writing poetry? Why don’t I write plays all the time? Why can’t I finish anything? Should I write romance? Can’t I learn to love writing web copy? maybe working on a content mill for 0.05 a product ain’t that bad.
And then there’s the terrifying truth that I should be pursuing all three and the idea of pursuing all three with everything I’ve got just exhausts the hell out of me. I just wish I didn’t have to have an existential crisis every 2 weeks. But you know, doubt’s probably just a part of it.
So the last time I posted was in April- it is now July… I’ve been to New York City where I produced a play and that was amazing and I’ve also been at the movie theatre and I’ve also been continuing on the rejection train. In the past week I’ve overslept a shift and an on call and I think that I’m falling apart a little bit right now. I have a job starting in September as a Drama teacher that is very part time but if I spend another month at the movie theatre I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. So there’s that. I’m writing more poetry stuff now and submitting it to lit rags so that’s new but overall it’s a weird time.
I’ll try to make some fun blog posts more. Go more topical.
lettin ya know
It’s been a while guys- I guess I’ve been kind of sort of unable to cope with all the uncertainty I’m feeling these past couple months, so I just stopped blogging. And I’m sorry. This quote from Fight Club kind of sums how I feel about myself in relation to others right now:
yeah. That’s just how I feel- I’m very uncertain, confused and conflicted about everything. But I guess I’m back. Here’s the skinny on where I am at:
- I have been rejected by every grad school that I’ve applied to
- I have a piece that I’ve written that’s going to be in a NYC theatre fest in May and I am waiting to hear back from other theatre companies on other competitions/festivals I’ve submitted to
- I really don’t think I’m going to be okay in Raleigh/Cary, NC for much longer- I feel like I’m just never going to get work around here.
- It’s official. I really hate my movie theatre job. It’s crushing my soul.
- I have a steady ghostwriting job that’s not really paying me right now- I’ll get royalties later but right now it feels kind of like volunteer work
And also I’ve been generally writing articles and pieces to websites. I’ve gotten a lot of rejections- a couple features but other than that… just a lot of rejection all around and I’m just feeling funky. I’ve been staying up really late and I’ve been drinking more and I am violently behind on my student loans and I am really hating the freelance writing struggle.
I really don’t like writing for other people. I like writing for me. I like writing articles and pitching them to people- but damn I don’t like writing copy. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t be a freelance writer because I just don’t want to write about things I don’t care about. So I’ve been thinking, which is really why I am back on this blog: I just spent 5 hours of Code Academy. I think I wanna be a front end web developer. Freelance. You know, help people get their websites up and running. Know all the codes and just build things. Because I’ve always liked making things. I love making artistic things for people and honestly, I probably need to put my aggressive love of fonts and nice web interfaces to good use, so it’s something I’m exploring. Maybe phase out freelance writing beyond offers to do a web copy/design package deal because I only want to write stuff that’s coming from me as the brand, not Katy the content robot, no- Katy the creative person. Also: I want to make more money. People need code more than content. Also: everyone thinks they know how to write, but not everyone thinks they know how to code. So that’s something I’m exploring. If I can get a portfolio going, maybe that can lead me to more stable jobs and make moving to NYC or Chicago more feasible.
but who knows? Maybe freelance writing will actually pay off soon. Maybe I’ll get one of those playwriting fellowships and I won’t have to worry about it. But that’s what’s up in my life. Cheers.
After months of procrastination, I did it. I’ve started the process to having my one woman show on youtube. A couple months ago I launched an indiegogo to raise money to maybe do a production of the show, but I was only able to raise just under $200. Thinking about it, I decided to devote the money to film the show instead and maybe upload it to youtube. Because I’ve been unsure of location, I haven’t worked on making that happen for a couple months. I decided recently to upload webcam rehearsals and confessionals to youtube in a channel- that is FINALLY now up to date. and here it is folks:
But let me just tell you, creating and uploading videos is a pain in the butt. I’m going to continue to do it, but I’m now not going to try to get more than one video up a day now, because with waiting for imovie and youtube to process video: it takes some serious time. I honestly started the process at 1pm yesterday and finished at 1 am this morning, and I also had to re-upload one of the videos just now. While I was finished filming and editing by 4 pm, the waiting was so intense. It sucks. But here we are and I hope it’s a good journey.
I really want to know. Please, someone tell me.
Whenever I go on pw.org or just any literary submission website I see that people are actively looking for poetry and poetry chapbooks for publications.
How do you even, Emily?
Outside of a class setting, I can’t remember the last time I read poetry. Like really read poetry for personal enjoyment. Like sure I have a copy of Leaves of Grass, sure I told myself I would try to read it but have I read it: no, of course not. I love certain poems, I think they’re great, but I don’t understand why there are all of these poets. Who is being taught to write, read and understand poetry? I know what I learned how to write: essays. I became intimately acquainted, from a young age, with what a introduction, body and conclusion should entail. Failing countless writing standardized tests as an elementary schooler, I became aware that my ability to write an essay determined my worth as a person- whether I would get a job, go to college, live a successful life. That’s what being able to write an essay meant to me. And through constant essay writing and the essay writing hell that is Junior year AP English, I found joy in the essay. I don’t know when you would find that in poetry. I don’t know when in schooling, when poetry writing would happen.
And yet, in my college’s literary magazine there were constant poetry submissions and few prose submissions. What are the rules for poetry? Like is there a secret society of people taking people aside and telling them the poetry secret? Who is training the poets of the future? As someone who spent their life reading prose, I want to know. Like I am down for it. I love how spoken word and rap are intersecting in weird interesting ways. It’s profound and amazing and I love it: but who is your mentor. Who is taking you aside? Where are your communities? I remember in middle school when my friend Kenyatta showed me the poetry she would write down in her journal and I nodded and smiled but the question on my mind was “why?”. Who told these people to start writing poetry? How did they get their start? It’s all a big mystery to me, but I guess poets get a kick out of that kind of thing.